if you ever get pulled over for speeding...

A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange:Officer: May I see your driver's license?Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended for speeding.Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.Officer: The car is stolen?Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?Driver: Yes mate. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?Driver: Yes, mate.Hearing this, the officer immediately called his back up. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the inspector approached the driver to handle the tense situation:Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?Driver: Sure. Here it is.It was valid.Captain: Who's car is this?Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration papers.Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.Captain: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.Driver: No problem.Boot is opened; no body.Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the boot.Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, as well.

SCIENCE CLASS

Sixth grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"No one answered until little Molly stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!" She then sat back down.Mrs. Parks ignored her, and asked the Question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated??Little Molly's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"Finally, Jimmy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Jimmy." Then turned to Molly and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: First, you have a dirty mind. Second, you didn't read your homework. And third, one day you are going to be VERY VERY disappointed!